scattered.

time is moving by so quickly.

everything feels scattered right now. nothing feels secure.

there's so much i want to say, but i'm feeling like i don't know how to say it.

i am ready to feel settled.
i am ready for a routine to start {ironic, right? we get tired of routine than 3 weeks without it and i feel completely frazzled}.
i am ready for a job schedule.
i am ready for paychecks.

but.

in all of this, i am realizing each day how much Jesus is after in my life. He wants everything. He will not allow me to settle for good when great is an option. He will not let me come here, half way. It's all or it is nothing. And nothing is not an option.  He wants my focus to shift in the mornings. He wants me to wake up and think along these lines:

i ready for the faithfulness of God to once again be displayed in my life.
i am ready for people to come into my life and friendships to form.
i am ready for new coworkers and people to love on.
i am ready for neighbors and believing for opportunities to care for them.
i am ready for church gatherings and to grow as i hear the Word of God preached.
i am ready to open my home and use gifts of hospitality to care for others.

there is a shift that is in the process of happening.
things are moving and have been set in motion.

isn't it crazy how much of our days is guided by how our mornings go? if our first thought each day is "i didn't get enough sleep last night i'm going to be tired all day" we've already set ourselves up to be tired all day.

i'm trying to wake up each day here and think about how thankful i am to be here. the first step of obedience was to just simply come to the city. to make the physical move from GA to TN. i am learning to give myself grace in the process as well.

it's summer and i turn 26 next month and everything's going to be fine.

Nashville lessons recap // Week 1 //

1. I REALLY need to learn how to parallel park.
2. God can do whatever He wants, whenever and however He wants.
3. A lot can happen in one hour. A TON can happen in one day.
4. Every single reason why I thought I was coming to Nashville is the opposite of why I'm supposed to be here: roommates, neighborhoods, certain jobs, etc. I'm learning to love the significance behind this.
5. I have people reaching out to me and loving me already. I do not take that for granted. Every message and call and text has blessed me. I'm so thankful.
6. Not liking coffee and living in Nashville doesn't mix well.
7. Jesus REALLY, really likes giving us things that make our hearts happy. Bonfires and wildflower bouquets and free iced tea, just because all those things delight my heart.
8. God is a provider if I have my daily bread or enough for a week. He is no different, regardless the circumstance.
9. Everything is falling into place more than I could have thought it would.
10. Saturday I'm going to look at some places and will hopefully have an address in a few weeks. Again, a lot can change in one hour.

I am at a loss for words over what has taken place the past 8 days. I can't really believe how much I'm already learning and how many things are already being made new in me.

It's July, the 7th month, the month of things being completed, coming together, being renewed, sealed, and set into motion.

Jesus, life with You is unreal. It's wild, it makes no sense, it changes, it is exciting, it's nerve racking, it's not what we think we need for ourselves. It's unpredictable.  You are a Good Father. You take care of me. You give me what I need for the moment. You bless me with tiny gifts just because. You allow me outlets to express my creativity and love. You give me little brothers to adopt because it's my heart. You give me babies to nanny because it's my heart. You give me volunteer hours gardening at a shelter for at-risk youth because it's my heart. You give me a church that has a passion to see mental health stigmas go within the church because it's my heart. You're a Good Father.

I've never been more aware of my need than I am right now.

I need daily bread. I need housing. I need provision. I need peace. I need understanding. I need community and people to carry my load.

It says in Psalm 34 that the righteous lack nothing. There are so many insane stories of God showing up and providing and making a way. If He can part an entire sea, how much more can He do in my day-to-day?

It's such a crazy time in my life. It's easily the most excited and most scared I've ever been. Please do not think I am brave and please do not think this is easy, because it is not. I've officially crossed over the line of dreaming and believing, to actually doing. This is not an overnight thing. It's a process. A journey. A destination is in sight, but it still takes steps to get there.

It's like in my mind and in my impatience and lack, I decided I'd run a full on marathon. Like, I'm going to get to the end of this as soon as I possibly can. But with each breath, I'm remembering that I didn't prepare for a marathon. I didn't train for it. I cannot turn this process into a marathon when I have not done the necessary things to make it that. In my humanity, I want it all to happen in a day {which things still can change in a day, even an hour}, when the reality is that it's a process.

I'm learning and my eyes are shifting and I'm pressing through.

Making the decision, hourly it seems right now, that I will rise above. I'll rise above everyone who tells me I cannot do this. I will rise above the things my eyes see and choose belief. I'll rise above the odds and the factors that are seeming to go against what I believe to be true. I'll rise above the lack and believe that as a daughter of God I am more than taken care of.  I'll rise above sickness and nerves and headaches and all these little things trying to distract me from keeping my eyes fixed above. I'll rise above the flesh in me that tells me God is not who I know He is. I'll rise above.

If anyone just so happens to know of houses for rent or jobs in Nashville, or if you want to start a Kickstarter or GoFundMe in my name, I'm so fine with receiving any and all gifts, checks in the mail, surprises, blessings, presents, student loans paid off, etc. {Kidding... kind of.}

Thank you for walking this journey with me and for praying for me.

Carry on.

Also, today is 7/7/14.

I've always been big on numbers and the significance they hold.

So, today, I'm receiving the double portion of blessing + favor + completion + coming together of things promised.

July isn't turning out to be so bad.

I've been in Nashville for one week. One week out of who knows how many weeks.

It's been a week of adventuring, stepping out, whimsy + wonder, reconnecting with old friends + meeting new ones, establishing myself in church, house hunting, and general resting + remembering.

It's so obvious that this is where I'm supposed to be and I have so much peace in my heart that everything is going to fall into place exactly how it needs to. It's been a week of reminding myself over and over and over and over again that God is good, faithful, a Provider, and so much more. I can be 100% free and 100% dependent at the same time. I can be 100% sure that this isn't going to end in a fail. 

I've been so thankful to have one of my best friends here with me these past several days, believing with me and for and this city. We've prayed big prayers and dreamed big dreams for the coming days and we've laughed till we cried {many times}.

I can't really complain.

Today meant a handful of good hearted, southern, Nashville welcomes from strangers who will soon enough be friends.

I'm grateful that I have people who love me so well from so far away that will send out mass FB messages and make phone calls and introduce me to people here just so that I can be a part of something and not alone.

It's summertime in TN and it's hot and the backyard is full of fireflies {it's almost awe-inspiring there are so many dancing, dancing, dancing...}and it smells like sweet basil and I'm happy.

Already I've been eating too much granola + yogurt, consuming too much local honey, and drinking too many chai teas.

Everything's turning out perfectly fine.

Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! I am making streams in the desert and a way in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18

June 30, 2014: I move from Atlanta to Nashville, TN. With very little money, no permanent address, and a whole lot of faith.

July 1st.

A new chapter. A new season. 

18 months exactly to the day when I first believe this dream was birthed in my heart.

You know how when you wait for something for so long, you get so used to the waiting part that when it's actually starting to unfold you freak out about 'not ready' you are? That's what this journey feels like. I keep telling God, "but I can't do this, I'm not ready, it happened to fast, there's so much I need, I want to go home where it's easier, this is the craziest thing in the world", etc.

The honest truth is that without divine intervention this will be a complete fail. But the awesome part? I've already seen so much divine intervention. Before I even arrived in Nashville, everything I needed on my trip was paid for. I saw the most amazing rainbow after driving through one of the worst storms I've ever seen. A lady in New Hope, TN paid for my cream soda. That didn't have to happen. But Jesus let these things happen to remind me that I was walking in obedience. That my choice to say "yes", despite how ridiculous it seems, was the right thing for my life.

This is a transition. People keep telling me I am brave, that they are inspired by me. I do not feel brave. I do not feel courageous. I do not feel strong. The truth is that this is not the most pleasant thing in the world. It's somewhat lonely, somewhat terrifying, somewhat confusing, somewhat overwhelming, somewhat exciting, and somewhat nerve racking. It's character building and faith testing. It's a sacrifice of sorts. It requires more prayer than anything I've ever done.

There are things I want to happen for me in Nashville. There are people I pray to meet. There are communities that I ache to be a part of. There are people here who need love, who need kindness, who need to know they matter. There are places in this city that need light + love. There is hope in my heart for what's coming. There are dreams I have for doing hair in this creative city, for excelling at my crafts, and for getting plugged in serving this community. There are organizations I want to invest in here.

I am looking forward to documenting the journey, to allowing my story to be written, to watching the faithfulness of God unfold as I wait with hope in what He's doing. I absolutely would have never done any of this without the support and love of so many people, so thank you. Thank you for writing me checks and cards and blowing up my phone with "Happy Moving Day!" messages and for believing with me and for me and on my behalf when I cannot. Thank you for celebrating, supporting, wishing, and wanting good things for me. Thank you. I am so much of who I am because of who I know.

Alright, sweet home Tennessee, let's get to making memories.